yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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