You work out of a Hotel?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
