Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
