Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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