Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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