Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
