PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
