there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
