I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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