idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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