shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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