They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
