dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
