I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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