Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
