Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
