And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
