You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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