I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
