wakey wakey hands off snakey
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
