Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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