If that was your dad, he is hot
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
