Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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