this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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