I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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