The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
