Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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