what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize