Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
