i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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