Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize