I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
