nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
