I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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