Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
