I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
