"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
