I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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