May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize