Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
