what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
