I would go down on you faster than GM stock
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
