well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
