Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
