come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
