Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
