VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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