I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
