yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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