She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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