so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize