I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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