Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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