its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
