I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
