is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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