I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
