he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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