I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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