some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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