That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
