So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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