just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize