just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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