FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just found puke in my bra..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
being pregnant is like rehab
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
