My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
