i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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