i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize