sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
