I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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