im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
