she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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