my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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