oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize