Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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