You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
