apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
