Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
