Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
