he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
