Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
