3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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