apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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