it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
