Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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