u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
