The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
