my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
