Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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