Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
