No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize