i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
