he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
