he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
